It is past midnight here and I am still up. This is my new schedule. My time from 10:00 – midnight or so to catch up on my writing, reading my Bible and praying. Tonight, the house is not quiet. A friend is spending the night and the boys and Molly are having a too much fun to settle down and go to sleep. I am on the computer, playing, procrastinating, wasting time, distracting myself.
I am traveling around the same circle. I try to break free of my dependency on others. I endeavor to follow the still small voice of God and to rest in His grace. I seek to follow Him alone and His plans and purposes for our family, our lives of learning. I say that with my mouth (or with my keyboard), yet here I am perusing resources, looking for someone to tell me what to do, trying to take the easy way out. I have purchased so much stuff just this year, reading more about this or that educational philosophy. Running after someone else’s elusive goal … elusive because it is not my goal … or rather not God’s goal for me or my family. Haven’t I already blogged about this? Yes, I am sure I have. Yet, here I am again, typing it all again. Trying to remind myself, remind my heart, remind my mind.
I know that God has a perfect plan, a perfect purpose and He has all wisdom that I need. I have knowledge. I could teach every seminar about every homeschooling approach at the state convention. I don’t need knowledge … more information. I need wisdom. Perfect wisdom from above.
James 3:17 (Amplified Bible)
17But the wisdom from above is first of all pure (undefiled); then it is peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle). [It is willing to] yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits; it is wholehearted and straightforward, impartial and unfeigned (free from doubts, wavering, and insincerity).
I don’t know how that verse applies to what I am trying to sort through except that it came to mind when I typed the phrase “wisdom from above”. Well, my children don’t need more knowledge either. Now, there’s the rub. I know this. I preach this. I teach this. It is not knowledge that they need. It is wisdom … pure, peace-loving, courteous (considerate, gentle], willing to yield to reason, full of compassion and good fruits (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control], wholehearted, straightforward, impartial, unfeigned … wisdom. However, time after time, I get caught up in the world’s definition of education. Even during my study of education, I became tangled up in definitions and descriptions that were not necessarily based on the word of God. Still trying to dig through to reach the core, the important, the essential, God’s best. I am paralyzed by planning. I am spending all of this time planning, trying to get all things in order, perfection … trying to reach that state of perfection. Meanwhile, the seconds are ticking away, merging into minutes, morphing into hours, days, weeks. I have tons of resources here and I keep putting the children off, making them wait until I have PLANNED to use something. What is the purpose of that?
I am not living by the very message that I am try to convey. Relax. Live and learn. Grab hold of the teachable moments.. Make the most of everyday situations. I am focused inward on something that I cannot define … an image, a vision … yes, I have set my eyes upon the vision and am losing sight of now. Ok, so my time is long up and my husband has returned from work. I am not sure where this leaves me. Hopefully, I will have the courage to shut the planning book, stop surfing website and reading the opinions of others and turn my eyes upon Jesus. Until later . . . .
Immersed in the Mystery,
