Sneaking back in, shifting my eyes from the left to the right …. did anyone notice that I have been missing for the last seven weeks? Don’t answer that! I don’t really want to know the answer. If anyone says yes, I will feel devastated that I haven’t made the blog a priority. If anyone says no, I will be devastated that my words don’t mean enough. It will be better for me to begin again, nonchalantly, as if it were just yesterday that I posted my last.
Words have not occupied my creativity lately. Release has come in the form of paint and collage. My interest in collage was peaked after seeing a collaged spiritual journal . . . basically just a sewn black composition book that had been collaged with inspirational quotes, pictures and verses. I thought this would be a great idea for our woman’s retreat. Have I talked about my brief stint on the women’s retreat committee? No?
In a nutshell, I answered a call for volunteers, all the while questioning my sanity as I HATE women’s retreats. I have only been to one or two and I only attended those because I had a specific purpose to the retreat itself. I hate the silly games, the constant chatter, the unmet expectations. I confessed this to the retreat committee, shared my hesitancy to be on the committee since I didn’t even want to attend the retreat.
“Tell us about that because we think there are a lot of women who won’t attend and maybe you can give us some insight.” They said.
“Basically, I don’t like people.” I blurted as my hands went to my face to try and retrieve the words that were already shooting through the air
Thankfully, they laughed and seemed to understand. The invitation to stay was extended and accepted. There seemed to be an openness to changing some elements or at least offering some options so that introverts like me could come away feeling renewed as well. Basically, the typical women’s retreat (and don’t get me started on how I don’t even think it should be called a women’s retreat because it isn’t. It is more like a conference) is designed for extroverted people. I was feeling hopeful.
As preparations continued, miscommunication abounded. Then reality hit me. We had booked a retreat center which required us to have a minimum number of attendees just to cover the cost of the center and the speaker. Our initial numbers were very low and the conversations turned toward trying to convince women that they NEEDED to be on this retreat. Well, does it surprise you that my stomach turns at the marketing of our spiritual relationship with the Lord? I know, I know, you are rolling your eyes as you mumble, “she is SO anti-establishment” I am and quite a bit of my energy is spent on balancing my convictions in a societal culture and a very similar church culture which is held together by marketing.
When do I compromise? When do I stick to my guns? When do I stay to initiate a change? When do I retreat to nurse my wounds? This time, I decided to stand on my convictions and I withdrew from the committee and of course, I won’t be attending the retreat.
How did I get off on that tangent? Oh yeah, collaged journals. So, I have been collecting images for the journals and since they won’t be used at the retreat now, I gluing and painting in my own journal. I never knew being creative could be so tiring though. It is truly work!
Four of my children have been attending art camp with wonderful, cool, Miss Sandra. She invited me to stay and set my creativity free. I spent three days, smearing plaster and paint on a board, adding textile, paper and glass elements. As soon as my daughter gives me a tutorial on taking and sharing digital pictures, I will post pictures of my mixed media creation and my journal pages.
Ok, well, that was enough for at least two posts but I am not breaking it up. It was a connected stream of consciousness that needs to stay unified. I hope you have stuck around to the end where I offer no verbal promises which lately seem to mean nothing. My priorities will have to be visualized in my actions.
Until next time . . .
Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia
Related Tags: Collage, Collaged Journals, Creativity, Womens Retreat
