So, I told someone this week that it sort of freaks me out when someone finds my blog because they googled air traffic controllers wife (wives). But today is just too weird . . . I got a hit from someone googling air traffic control relationships wives. Given that the hubby and I are back to the same old same old struggles … and I hate writing about all that in the open since my daughter reads my blog … but hey, she can’t be oblivious when we live in a cardboard box called a mobile home where there is NO sense of privacy . . . but given the past 24 hours, I don’t know what to say about someone searching for that phrase and finding my blog except, if you are the wife of a controller and you are looking for support, please visit my contact page and leave me a message.
Immersed in the Mystery,
I have been dating an ATC and for 3 years and he is afraid to get married because he is scared I will divorce him due to all the struggles and schedule that come with ATC. I was just hoping to get some insight.
Hi jamie,
You are the first person to ever contact me via my post though I still get hits weekly from people searching Air Traffic Controllers Wives Relationships.
It would be impossible or irresponsible for me to advise you based on the little information that you’ve given me. Looking back at when I wrote that post, I have to say that the issues my husband and I were having were only partially affected by his career as an ATC. In the summer of 2007, we were dealing with a very specific situation that was only made more difficult because my husband was the union rep in environment at best described as union-apathetic and at worst union-hostile. My husband’s career took quite a hit that summer and my anger about that contributed to the other stressful situations we were dealing with in our life.
All that to say, regarding stress and air traffic control, I think it all depends on the individual person. My husband handles stress very well. If he didn’t, I don’t think we would have survived what I lovingly refer to our year of hell (2007). As for the schedule, we have never known anything different. We married just a few months before he was hired so our entire lives have been spent with a schedule that goes against normal society. However, we have used it to our advantage. We homeschool our children therefore it works out well for him to be off work during the week. We have been fortunate and have not been in a situation of forced overtime.
I could find no hard statistics on the divorce rate among air traffic controllers though several sites claimed 75 percent. At my husband’s facility it is far less than the average in the nation. The only thing my husband said when I asked him about divorce rates at the facility is that controller married to controller has a 100 percent divorce rate.
Reluctance to get married can be affected by your boyfriends specific work environment and whatever the divorce rate is there … and also the stories that get told about those divorces. But … life in general is stressful. Married? it gets even more so. Add children and that ups the ante again. Maybe the best option is to not base our choices on what COULD happen but to make the choice to live our lives in a way that deals with the stress it brings us.
If you have been dating this man for three years then you have had time to see how he is handling stress in his job, to know what the schedule is like. If he doesn’t handle it well now, he won’t handle it any better when married. So the question to you is … is that what you really want in your life? Ultimately, you can’t change his mind about this … he has to change his own mind. What you can do is observe and listen … and make choices for yourself, to make the life that you want.
Grace and Peace,
Cynthia