It’s been almost fourteen years since I first suspected I am allergic to avocados. My husband and I celebrated our anniversary that year with a wonderful meal that included guacamole, one of my most favorite foods. We were expecting our sixth child at the time and that night was full of fear as stomach cramps overwhelmed me. By chance, I was having some unusual discharge at the time and the threat of miscarriage was strong in my mind.
With the next few days bringing peace and nothing new, I reexamined the events and wondered if I had just reacted to a food I had eaten. Guacamole was the obvious offender.
However, I LOVE guacamole and spent, probably, the next ten years intermittently trying guacamole to “test” my allergy. Occasionally, there was no reaction which encouraged me but then the next time, I would be sick again.
It took many tries before I finally admitted that I cannot ever, EVER eat avocados again.
(Though there was the ill fated day, when in complete nervousness about a spending a weekend with women I did not know, except for one friend, I ate Mexican dip with guacamole. I was completely unaware of what I was putting in my mouth. All I could think was if I just kept food in my mouth, I wouldn’t have to talk.
That one friend sat across from me, enjoying the same snack and thinking to herself, “This is SOOOOO good. Hey, someone I know is allergic to avocados. Mmmm, this is soooo good.”
Well, she REMEMBERED who’s allergic to avocados at about two in the morning when I was retching my guts out in the bathroom.)
What’s the point?
My journey took a turn about nine months ago. God began challenging me to rethink the modern, cultural definition we have a church and all the trappings that are attached to it. Most of the time, I would follow Him without hesitation. But then, I would desire the experience . . . the music, the teaching, some adult interaction. I would check back into the Sunday morning service, only to leave empty and disappointed.
No wonder. I was seeking what I wanted, what my flesh wanted, instead of God and the path He had laid out for me. “But, but, but” I would say, “I love the music, can’t I just be there to enjoy that. I haven’t’ seen so and so in a while, I would like to connect with them. This is how I have experienced church for so long. Maybe, I am wrong to leave, maybe I should give it a try again.”
And back in I would go. Only to have that same reaction once again.
I think it is finally time to admit that I am allergic to avocadoes … not that I am allergic to church services but that my season there has come to an end. It is time to realize that and move on.
Fear, fear, fear. What will I do, what do you want me to do God?
As if it is all about ME doing something.
Trust.
He is teaching me to trust Him to provide ALL Things. Even the fellowship, the teaching, the music.
In awe, I have more to tell about how He has already begun to do that. But it’s another post and some people around here probably want breakfast.
Immersed in the Mystery,
Kent said,
July 26, 2007 at 9:06 am
Cynthia, I for one trust the spirit that is in you. Simply follow.
Erin said,
July 26, 2007 at 1:05 pm
Hey there my personality twin…
Just follow God’s lead – that’s my best advice – sometimes He leads us places the religious person in us doesn’t want to go, even kicking and screaming. But it’s a fun ride, and worth it, I tell ya.
Megan said,
July 26, 2007 at 8:21 pm
Been There, Done That, Survived it; still in awe about the path he’s leading me on, but I’ve finally learnt to just follow him. Interesting quote I read yesterday:
“Many people consider spirit to be the province of religion, but I insist on making a clear distinction between spirituality and religion. Spiritualiity has to do with nonphysical, immaterial aspects of our beings – with energies, essences, and the part of us that existed before and will exist after the disintegration of the body. Religion attempts to institutionalize spirituality, and much of what goes on in its name concerns perpetuation of the institutions more than the welfare of individuals… ” Dr. Andrew Weil
Religion, i.e. a church, isn’t where God lives, it’s a place we go to find him, but he’s not limited to that place. It’s scary, but I promise you can trust Him.
Joy said,
July 27, 2007 at 10:24 am
“In awe, I have more to tell about how He has already begun to do that. But it’s another post and some people around here probably want breakfast.”
I don’t know why you always think they have to eat. Let them eat cake!!! LOL
Talk about your interrupted conversations!! Well, I am glad you’ve posted an update and can’t wait to read more.
Sarah said,
July 27, 2007 at 10:45 am
Cyndi, I saw your comment on Dustin’s page….well done! We all need a little encouragement about blogging, especially those of us who have just gotten started! Thanks for the good reminders. Hope all is well with the family….by the way, I love Molly’s mohawk! Thanks for raising some pretty awesome individuals!
sarahhweber said,
July 27, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Hi again! As far as CRCC is concerned, I believe in the vision and process we are beginning and am excited to be a part of it…however, I also do not believe in condemning others for choosing another way. I believe that you are attempting, like all of us, to seek the Lord’s face and His desire for your life and as you feel Him pulling you in certain directions, I think you should heed that call. Otherwise, it becomes disobedience to not do the very thing the Lord is prompting you to do. I pray that the Lord would be evident to you and that you would be unapologetic with your decisions. I pray that people wouldn’t shun you or condemn you for the decisions you make. I’ve learned over the course of my life to take in the recommendations or comments from others, but to not just take them at face value. I dissect them, compare them to the Scriptures for truth, I ask God about them, and then I make the decision (based on all that) whether or not I should heed that call. All throughout scripture you see the Lord asking people to test the words of others, not just to take them at face value. In services at every church I’ve been in I don’t just take what the pastor says as absolute truth, I take it home, pray and mull over it, study it for myself, and draw my own conclusions. Just as you are doing in your own life. You’re asking questions and dissecting them between you and the Lord, I think that’s awesome. All I can say is that I respect what you have to say, I may not always personally agree, but I respect you and your feelings. So, have no fear…I didn’t jump on your blog to criticize. Like you, my blog is a representation of who I am, my struggles, my issues, my thoughts and situations. I’ve only been blogging for a little over a month, but it’s really cathartic and freeing. My blog is personal and is not a representation of CRCC philosophy, although you may find a few snip-its included (which is why I have the disclaimer). Anyway, I’m praying for you and your family. Yes, I love the individual that Molly is! I appreciate so much that she’s willing to be herself, not to be mainstream just because that’s “normal”, I like that she has her own ideas, I like how light-hearted she is about life. She’s a phenomenal person!