As one woman asked last week, “What possessed you to do that to your hair?” It was said with complete acceptance and the spirit of friendship but it is indicative of the questions I will face. In fact, I have been searching my memory, trying to pinpoint the exact time and reason I first decided to dread my hair. I can’t even remember the first time I saw someone with dreadlocks but I do remember feeling an immediate kinship. It was like I had found my long-lost family.
Rarely do I rush into things so I began to read, to research the how-to, to gauge how my family felt about it. It would be quite a departure from my long hair:
It was during that time that my father was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The prognosis was not good. I loved my father and I knew that he really wouldn’t understand the whole dread thing. We had so little time left together that it seemed best to postpone starting the process.
Daddy died November of 2004. Grief plays interesting games with your mind sometimes. I became attached to my long hair again, for various reasons. One of those reasons was my husband. I knew that he loved my long hair so I struggled with radically changing it. Little did I know that fate would step in and make that decision for me.
My hair continued to grow to waist length by May, 2006. Then came the infestation . . . lice. Still, I don’t know where I got lice. No one else in my family had them, thank God. No one I knew had them. But I had them. Two times, we treated and nitpicked and I was facing a third attempt. My concern was that I would eventually infect my children which in turn could have infected dozens more. My husband and I were working in the children’s ministry at our church and I worried I could be exposing all of them to lice.
What could I do?
Originally, I thought I would just cut it down to a quarter inch, that should have been enough. The guard to the razor wouldn’t move through my thick hair so in frustration, I just shaved it all off. You learn a lot about yourself as a bald headed woman.
I found inner strength and confidence. I discovered my beauty. I also uncovered the longing for dreadlocks. It took about 18 months to grow my hair long enough. It seems to grow much slower when you’re older.
A couple of months passed before we could find time to comb in my dreads. I knew it would take awhile but I wasn’t prepared for five days of sitting and letting others do the work. The most challenging part was giving over control to others. That and the constant touching. Argh!
Which brings me back to that question: “What possessed you to do that to your hair?”
I was possessed with the desire to be authentic, to be true to myself. Simply, it is who I am.
~~Grace and Peace~~
Related Tags: dreads, dreadlocks
hiddenart said,
March 8, 2008 at 10:03 am
Boy, can I relate. There are certain things I am just naturally drawn to. I’ve always been this way. That kinship you mentioned is such a great description. I love not only dreads, but also tattoos, piercings, and very vivid hair. But I only love them on people when they complete the person, not when they just seem to be for show, or to fit into a particular group. I don’t know if I’m discerning correctly about who is authentic and who is fitting in, but some people just seem to fit the creativity they adorn.
Thanks for sharing the process. You look fabulous.
amanda
Erin said,
March 8, 2008 at 2:30 pm
I love it! I have actually thought about it for myself, but I’m not there yet. You should use that last photo for your profile pic.
I also love the new look around here…
rob horton said,
March 8, 2008 at 3:52 pm
my thoughts: way cool!
kent burgess said,
March 8, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I love that story Cynthia
flipflopmamma said,
March 9, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Your dreads are so beautiful and thin!! They’re going to be amazing when they mature! Be prepared for crazy insane fuzzies! LOL. Great story! I buzzed my hair off once, for the summer, just because…I liked it. I’m loving my dreads though. Check out my blog somtime!
Cindy said,
March 10, 2008 at 12:38 pm
You go girl! Looks great!
Wish I were as brave. I’ve been wanting to pierce my nose, but it would then draw attention to said nose, and it’s pretty big. I’d also love to wear long hippie skirts and braids and flowy tops….but that would draw attention to ME, and at 70 lbs overweight, not feeling especially comfy in my skin or my emotions these days, I’m more likely to hide out in a denim skirt and baseball cap. *sigh* I ’spose it’s good to be non-descript for a season, though. You learn who loves you for WHO you are, not for how you look. I’d still like to look cool and pretty and thin though. And I wouldn’t mind if people liked me for my looks. Just sayin’.
BTW, is that a Bead for Life necklace? I had a party for them last year, and it was freakin’ awesome!
Cynthia said,
March 10, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Cindy,
I was just so tired of hiding myself just because it would draw attention. Chris has always told me that no matter what, I will draw attention. It’s the hair, you know? Mostly it’s about the color … and then I was bald which meant it was still about the hair or lack of … and now the dreads.
I may not look that great in hippie skirts and flowy tops. Being five foot one and 164 pounds means I am pretty round. But I just don’t care anymore. I am healthy … could be healthier which is why I am tackling some life changes this year. But I will not bow down to what others, especially media and marketing, say I should be. I just can’t do that anymore.
It is not a Bead for Life necklace but something similar. I bought it at Cornerstone last year. http://tapphope.org/
belowthesurface said,
March 10, 2008 at 1:14 pm
It was great to see you Saturday! Your hair is so “you.” I love it and it seemed perfectly at home on your head. You’re beautiful.
Amy said,
March 10, 2008 at 2:25 pm
i think you were beautiful before the dreads….they just overwhelm your beautiful face and gorgeous eyes….lice is a huge problem with dreads…as they are not clean. just my opinion. peace!
Cynthia said,
March 10, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Amy,
Hmmm, you are the first person to not recognize the beauty in my dreaded self. I still have a beautiful face and gorgeous eyes (the only thing that hides those are the glasses I must wear) and the confidence that I have now that I have taken the step to following my heart allows all of that to shine through.
As for lice. IF … and it’s a big if because your assumption that dreads are not clean is wrong. I still wash my hair each week which is as much as I was washing it before. Dreaded hair needs to be clean in order to work its magic. Natural oils prevent the hair from tangling and knotting. I am no more at risk of getting lice now than I was before. And for the record, lice don’t like dirty hair; they like clean hair. Again, the natural oils prevent them from laying the nits.
But, IF I were to get lice. No big deal. I know how to treat them and I know what to do if it doesn’t work. Clearly, I am not afraid to shave my head.
As I said in my post. I don’t rush into things. This has been five years of research. I know what having dreads is all about and I have great online support and encouragement.
Grace and Peace,
Cynthia
Dana said,
March 11, 2008 at 2:23 pm
What a wonderful story. I agree with you, the desire to be authentic, to be free, to be the best I can be. The dreads are a part of that journey I’m waiting for my opportunity. Peace to you, you are lovely.
Jennifer said,
March 11, 2008 at 8:55 pm
I just have to tell you that I think you are absolutely beautiful!!! You have a radiant face and I love the look of dreads on you.
When I was a little girl my family, which my dad refers to as “the gypsies”, visited a hot springs where I saw the most beautiful family. Both parents had dreads and the little boy had those perfect little ringletty curls with striking blue eyes. I wanted to be them! I don’t know when I began the more conservative look, but there is something about getting older that reminds us of who were really are.
Thank you for being an inspiration by following your God given uniqueness.
jewlsntexas said,
March 12, 2008 at 12:51 am
I’m still in awe -
Erin said,
March 12, 2008 at 8:40 am
Cyndi – I just love what you said here “I was just so tired of hiding myself just because it would draw attention.” That is exactly what I went through. It’s such an amazing feeling to quit hiding just because I was worried what other people would think. There’s nothing like being at peace with oneself.
Keet said,
March 12, 2008 at 8:50 am
Hey Groovy Chick,
We are also on the same page this year! For the past decade I have been an anxiety ridden recluse, agoraphobic, social anxiety, paralyzed by Life. No more. Enough. I love my family, but I can’t be what they want me to be all the time…and now they seem to like me much more! If I could go back over 20 yrs, when I first married, I would have never cracked open even one “How to be a better christian wife and mother” book! Big mistake! Your grooviness is contagious… keep spreading it.
Ellie said,
March 13, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Beautiful story. I am about to start my dreads up again, I had them about a year ago. That was the first time I ever in my whole life felt like I was myself…really me.
Here is to beauty within and the courage to shine forth like the stars.
Lori said,
March 22, 2008 at 10:47 pm
Cynthia,
It is great to see a face with a name.
I really liked what you said about learning a lot about yourself when you don’t have any hair.
I feel like having really short hair has challenged me a lot, particularly when I was always so used to having really long hair. I realized how much I hid behind it and how exposed I felt when I couldn’t do that any longer.
It is fun to see the dreads!
P.S. I like the new blog look!
rOB said,
March 31, 2008 at 4:09 pm
There is no reason to cut one’s hair for to kill lice. True, standard products do not work with long hair, b/c you need five expensive bottles for one treatment, with unpredictable results. Luckily, mayo either smothers them or poisons them; either way, they die. Leave it on all night under a shower cap. Then, repeat the following night, and then a week later. My wife has had lice twice, and they are miserable, but mayo is cheap and effective.
Cynthia said,
March 31, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Ok, just to clarify for what seems like the UMPteenth time!
Actually, I used mayonnaise because I didn’t want to put chemicals on my hair. I used mayonnaise for two cycles of the lice … and was facing the third time. I thoroughly weighed my options. Sure, I might be able to keep treating and eventually be done with the lice but at what risk? At that point, no one else in my family had lice. Did I mention that I have nine children, eight of which still live at home. I knew how completely difficult it would be to treat all of them for lice and I knew the impact we could have our community if all of them got lice. We were looking at the potential of infecting hundreds of children.
The risk was not worth it. Come on, man… it’s just hair. It grows back and quite honestly, my husband found the bald head incredibly sexy.
Thanks for the input.
Jessyka said,
September 20, 2009 at 1:43 am
Cynthia,
I know this blog is from 2008, but I just now came across your site! I just want to say that everything you said about “being true to yourself, and hiding who you are” is exactly how I feel!!! I have wanted dreads for years, and haven’t done it strictly because of my dad and my hubby. Love them dearly, but I feel that I will never truly be me until I can finally get out from under the expectations that they have.(or the expectations that I think they have!) That being said, my husband says I can do whatever I want, but knowing that he doesn’t really find them attractive, I have never had the nerve to do it. Blick!!!! Wish I was more like you. You are inspiring and beautiful.
God Bless beautiful mama!!
Proud of you…
Thanks for writing. I’m sure many of us out here can relate to you!