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My friend and I spent Mother’s Day together. I don’t celebrate mother’s day … at all. Not expecting anything from my kids and working on walking away from the expectations of others.  This decision is not made with any animosity or disappointment.  It just not something I need in my life.  It’s arbitrary and means nothing to me.  So instead, because it was a good time for both of us, I spent the weekend with my friend.

During our time together, we were exploring some questions about spirituality, about searching for meaning and guidance and wisdom. Specifically at this time we were talking about the tarot and some comments were made about superstition.  I told her that I don’t hold things with superstition because that introduces fear and I am choosing not to walk in fear. 

If there is anything I believe, it is that Godde is love and that love, true and pure love, drives away fear. In my previous journeys through Christianity there was a paradox of trying to understand Godde as total love but at the same time much of the teaching was infused with fear and did nothing but to pierce the heart with that same fear. As I have walked away from that idea and as I have continued to my spiritual journey, I have come increasingly closer to the absence of fear. On my way home, this song same up on my ipod.

Inside my skin there is this space
It twists and turns
It bleeds and aches
…Inside my heart there’s an empty room
It’s waiting for lightning
It’s waiting for you
And I am wanting
And I am needing you here
Inside the absence of fear
Muscle and sinew
Velvet and stone
This vessel is haunted
It creaks and moans
My bones call to you
In their separate skin
I make myself translucent
To let you in, for
I am wanting
And I am needing of you here
Inside the absence of fear
there is this hunger
This restlessness inside of me
and it knows that you’re no stranger
you’re my gravity
My hands will adore you through all darkness aim
They will lay you out in moonlight
And reinvent your name
For I am wanting you
And I am needing you here
I need you near
Inside the absence of fear

Spontaneously, I raised my hand and allowed the words to become my prayer, my new worship song, an expression of longing, an invitation for Godde to be here again.

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