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As I said in my previous post, just before the end of 2011, I purchased a goddess word reading from Amy Palko. I was SO ready for it to come in and give me vision for the coming year. When it did, my first reaction was, “huh?” I really felt deflated. It wasn’t me AT all.
But I know enough about myself to know that I needed to sit with it and ask what was beneath the surface. Could there be a calling to stretch myself beyond my limitations, to open myself to something to new, to embrace something that I wouldn’t normally? I sent it to someone who knows my heart and soul and asked what she thought. When we talked, she said, “As soon as I read this, I knew you were going to struggle with it. But I think you really need to be open to this.”
I am not going to share the entire reading with you but here is my goddess and here are a few thoughts from Amy.
The goddess that came forward as your guide through 2012 was… Erzulie!!
Oh what a beautiful goddess guide for the year, Cynthia! Erzulie is a Voodun goddess who is most associated with love, sensuality, wealth and luxury – yummy, hey?
Erzulie is whispering the pleasures of the flesh. She’s inviting you to reconnect with what brings you pleasure – specifically sensual pleasure …
This goddess‘ message is that a little luxury can make a big difference to the way you move through the world. Don’t underestimate the power of pleasure, and don’t dismiss inviting luxury in because you believe you don’t have the time or the money. Enjoying luxury is not selfish – it is an act of exquisite generosity!
I don’t live in a luxurious world. If anything, with raising nine children, I have constantly focused on making life functional and practical. To that end, my home is less than sterile. I have convinced myself that I didn’t have the time or the money to spare on things of beauty and comfort. That has slowly … SLOWLY … been changing. Just the crack of acceptance was there for me when this reading came in but initially, I really resisted Erzulie as my guide for 2012. I kept thinking to myself, “That’s just not my style. I am not a luxurious, sensual being.”
Then I began to ask myself, “What if it was my style? What if I am a luxurious, sensual being? How would my life be different if I lived accordingly?” I really began to push the boundaries of what that could mean for me. That is the thought that was with me when I decided to quit my job. Remember? I said that it felt extravagant, indulgent, luxurious even … to think about just school, just art, just family.
In this moment, it has come to me what the obstacle is that keeps me from thinking in luxurious terms. Who am I to think that I deserve this? Wow. No matter how much work I do toward becoming a whole and healthy person, there is still those thoughts buried deep within that need excavating.
I am reminded now of Marianne Williamson‘s GORGEOUS quote was read last night by Patti Digh at her new 37 Days site launch party:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
Who am I NOT to enjoy a beautiful, luxurious and sensual life?
All of this brings me to my 2012 word. In 2010, my word was fragmented. That was a retrospective choice but one that fit. I felt like my being was in pieces. I chose Mosaic for my 2011 word as I hoped that all of those pieces would be brought together to create something beautiful. I believe that began to happen. As I faced 2012, I was slightly obsessed with the thought that this year would be about something whole. I wanted there to be nothing that was fragmented and brought back together but something that is complete and unified. Amy Palko sent a list of possible words to go along with my Erzulie guide but none seemed to really capture what I was casting into the hopes and dreams of a new year. I want to experience this year in a new way. I want to know comfort and beauty as the essential core of my life. I want to lasso all these ideas that I have about being in the world and put structure and form to them. I want to be HUGELY present in my life. I want to embody my life.
That’s it.
Embody.
It is all about giving form to something that abstract. Another word for it is incarnate — making concrete and real, representing with a bodily form. It is about physically inhabiting a spirit, an ideal, a dream. That is what I am stepping into this year. With that embodiment, comes all the sensations and experiencing life luxuriously, sensually and with great pleasure.
2012 is going to be a GREAT year, don’t you think?
