Have I mentioned that I’m going to college? A time or two, maybe?
My first semester starts two weeks from tomorrow. I’ve gulped my way through the syllabus for my 3-D Design class. But the real anxiety kicked in yesterday when my books arrived, including the math text for the lowest level math I could possibly take. The one that assumes three semesters of high school algebra. I had that … over THIRTY YEARS AGO!
This is the point where I feel like running, screaming, into the woods.
It reminds me of the feeling I had when I went into labor with each of my children. When the first contractions would start, it all became real. This was happening. No turning back. I would have to go through hours of labor, transition and birth. Then the real work would begin.
This time I could turn back. I could go running, screaming, into the woods. I could choose to not take this challenge. This challenge that I chose in the first place.
I could.
But I won’t.
This degree means that much to me.
I want to prove to myself that I can do this. Everyone else seems to be so sure of me. While internally, I am struggling with my confidence, I am drawing strength from the belief others have.
I want to say to others who start late in the game that this is still possible. Though I am certain of my degree path, just like most college students, I am not sure what I will do with this degree once I attain it. For now, it is enough to be learning new things, exercising my mind and stretching myself beyond what I think is possible.
I want my children to see me chasing my own dreams and committing to the work it will take. I want to be an example to them of working hard to accomplish the things beyond what I even knew I could do..There is probably a series of posts I could write about the juxtaposition of unschooling my children while pursuing a college education for myself.
No amount of math anxiety is going to keep me from doing this.
I have a new thought process in which I am trying to live present.
What if I expect the best from any situation?
What if I expect the best from myself? from my teachers? from my family?
What if I expect the best from this math class? from my 3-D design class? from the entire college experience and my achievements there?
It’s going to be fine.
More than fine.
It’s going to be the best.
I was TERRIFIED of the math. Like, you I had algebra decades ago, and didn't do that well at it back then. However, I actually found the math not to be too bad. If you have an instructor who doesn't assume anything and will walk you through it, you'll be fine. I can't remember if you are going to a Community College or a University, but most CC's have free tutoring, too.
As for the rest of this post, I completely agree with you. It's been so interesting and exciting to go back to school, and so far easier than I expected. (Although this term is a doozy). I like the impression it's making on my kids, too.
My best advice is don't overload yourself with classes until you get back into the swing of homework and balancing that with family responsibilities…but you'll get used to it.
You CAN do it!
Erin,
Thanks for the encouragement! Are you currently blogging? Didn't you shift to another place? I'd love to still be reading your journey!
I'm at reason.erinword.com now. Been there about a year, but I haven't had time to write much lately…college, you know!