When I am drawing or doodling, I start with a basic idea or shape and then I let my intuition take me where I need to go. That does not mean the marks I make are random. Instead, I am listening and observing and intentionally adding strokes or erasing marks.
This morning while I sat with my pen making its way, my thoughts were meandering through deep and shallow places. From time to time, I would stand up and look at my art work from a few steps away, deciding what it needed next. As my hand was getting tired, I set a limit for myself to finish filling in one particular pattern. I felt that would lead me to a place of almost completion. But once I had done that, I realized that it was off-balance. Something was needed. So I adjusted and gave the art what it needed.
Then the connecting thoughts began in my mind. As I have been contemplating marriage lately, I realized that this idea of adjustment is so important to a marriage … and well, to all of life actually. Yes, there is an overall idea of what life is, of what a marriage is but all along the way adjustments are necessary to keep in balance. A friend of mine offers a profound concept: Marriage commitments should be renegotiated every ten years. (maybe more frequently than that!)
What would that mean? How would that impact the relationships we are in? What if we knew going in that periodically we would evaluate this commitment and decide if and how to continue? What if saying “I do” and signing a marriage license weren’t the lifelong commitment they are? Should I really be bound to a commitment I made when I was twenty-one? Wouldn’t it be more authentic to continue adjusting and re-committing when in agreement to do so or walking way when not?
I have no concrete answers to these questions.
For myself, I am committed to my husband and he to me. I told him just the other day, “Let’s stay married forever!” and he said, “Ok!” We’ve had a shares of ups and downs. We’ve had the moments of wanting things to be different and contemplating lives apart. What kept us together in those moments? Was it that commitment made decades before? Or were we somehow able to realize we needed a new commitment?
I think it was the latter. I don’t think we could have articulated it when we were going through it. Somehow, we realized that we were different people than we were way back then and knew that continuing together required our making a commitment as we are now.
What is the topic of this rambling post?
And where the three converge.
Sharing this moment …
reading Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking
hearing the cat scratching
listening to Sunday Services
watching Jeff Who Lives at Home
seeing my daughter later this morning
tasting tea or coffee with her … and a sweet from the bake shop
thinking that I need to balance the checking account