If I were clever, I would rewrite the lyrics of “I want to Break Free” to “I want to grow old”
I am not clever but I do know what I want.
I want to grow old.
Not just live to a ripe old age but actually grow old.
For the past six months, I have been on a quest to find a physician who will help me navigate this next season of my life. As a woman of a certain age, my body seems a little foreign to me right now. All the knowledge I have is becoming irrelevant. I want to know what to expect or what not to expect and be as healthy as I can be throughout this process and beyond.
This is my body and I want it to be strong and bendy.
This is my mind and I want it to be curious and focused.
This is my heart and I want it to be peaceful and loving.
I am not looking for the fountain of youth.
I actually embrace aging as part of my life and look forward to what it brings to me.
However, the anti-aging industry is a sub-specialty in most of the practices that I have considered. Industry is the correct term. I am convinced that this is not about health and what is best for the patient, for the person. Instead, this is a commercial enterprise that is designed to prey upon the uncertainty of life change and offers potential youthful energy and looks in exchange for a lot of money and possible side effects and risks.
Why are we so afraid to grow old?
Why are we so reluctant to accept growing older?
Why don’t we redefine the limitations of growing older as opportunities?
I have no desire to force my body into rejecting the years I have walked this earth by manipulating it into thinking it is still young via synthetic or bio-identical hormones. I want to embrace the call of my body to slow down, to be in this moment, to take time to contemplate.
I have written often lately about rejecting this idea of more, bigger and larger. This is all part of that as well. I don’t want to alter my process so that I can accomplish more, so that I can do more, so that I can go, go, go and do, do, do. I want to say, “this is my life and this is enough.”
I want to grow old and all that brings to me.
I want the opportunity to be what I feel, to be me.
I want the opportunity to be wrinkled and fashion blind.
I want the opportunity to be eccentric and wise.
I want to grow old.