“The UPS truck is here.” said my husband and immediately feet started running toward the door and eyes peeking out of the windows. We all get very excited when the UPS (or FED EX man . . . we don’t discriminate!) man pays us a visit. However, this time, I was befuddled. I haven’t ordered anything lately.
“Were you expecting a package?” Chris asked.
“No . . . but you were”, I replied.
“Yeah, but that was coming in with Fed Ex.” said Chris.
So, out the front door goes my husband with children tagging along like ducklings. Back in the house, he holds up the package and says, “It’s for you … from Books a Million.” “hhmm … I haven’t ordered anything … wait! I know who that is from!” I said as I remember that my dear friend always orders from Books a Million. “That’s from Kim!” I am elated and grateful and suspicious … who knows what she has sent me!
Ah, she is so thoughtful! Memories of our most recent visit flood my mind. We spent the shortest amount of time EVER at Barnes and Noble … only about twenty minutes. A discussion in the aisle and I am confessing, ” I WANT to WANT to God. It’s not that I want God … I WANT to Want God.” She empathizes with my desire and my lack of desire.
She has sent me, When I Don’t Desire God: How to Fight for Joy by John Piper. After calling her and gushing over her sweet gesture, I was able to start reading … just bits at a time as it is typical John Piper … very meaty.
A few quotes:
Piper quotes Augustine: I was astonished that although I now loved you . .. I did not persist in enjoyment of my God. Your beauty drew me to you, but soon I was dragged away from you by my own weight and in dismay I plunged again into things of the world . . .as though I had sensed the fragrance of the fare but was not yet able to eat it.
Page 14: Now there was only one hope, the sovereign grace of God. God would have to transform my heart to do what a heart cannot make itself do, namely want what it ought to want. Only God can make the depraved heart desire God.
Piper quotes Thomas Watson: Would it not be an encouragement to a subject, to hear his prince say to him, You will honor and please me very much, if you will go to yonder mind of gold, and dig as much gold for yourself as you can carry away? So, for God to say, Go to the ordinances, get as much grace as you can, dig out as much salvation as you can, and the more happiness you have, the more I shall count myself glorified.
Pg. 21 The aim of [this book] is to sustain love’s ability to endure sacrificial losses of property and security and life, by the power of joy in the path of love. The aim is that Jesus Christ be made known in all the world as the all-powerful, all-wise, all-righteous, all-mericful, all-satisfying Treasure of the universe.
I have been writing lately about this desire I have to desire God, to pant for him as the deer pants for water, to delight in His commands. I WANT that. I can’t even create that desire within myself. Everything is from God … even my desire for Him comes FROM Him. My heart cries out to the Lord, “Stir the flame! Give me the hunger! Let me not be satisfied with ANYTHING but you!” Oh, my heart is full yet restful. I have no more time tonight to write. The next few days are crazier than the managed chaos that we are used to … so I probably won’t be posting. Catch up with ya’ll on the other side of the weekend!
Immersed in the Mystery,
