It is a special surprise when I find a little piece that I wrote previously. It gets tucked somewhere and I eventually stumble across it. A smile breaks forth as I am reminded of what inspired me to write it.
Here is such a piece. I wrote this back in August of 2001:
Ok, my first attempt at sharing this stream of consciousness that is running through my head.
Until just recently, I have balked at the statement, “I need to find myself” or the notion that once we are married with children that we lose ourselves . . . lose our identity. I guess, I find this attitude most prevalent in sources like Oprah. I would argue in my head that I would not lose my identity if tomorrow I woke up without my husband and children anymore than if tomorrow Oprah woke up without her TV show.
However, lately, I have been struggling with my identity. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose? What and where is my passion? Do I have vision and goals? Has my married-with-children life buried the reality of my person forevermore. I have been struggling with these questions for months now. Today, I have the answer.
I haven’t lost myself to anyone. I have FOUND myself . . . in my children, in my husband.
In Chris, my dh, I have found unconditional love. He has never given up on me and has taught me the value of a wild heart.
In Amber, 17, I have found my compassion. Her selflessness and sensitivity convict me at times. She has taught me to feel passionately for others.
In Katie, 14, I have found how music stirs my soul. She has shared with me her love of music and challenges me to find the message.
In Justin, 12, I have found my sense of justice. Fair is an important word to Justin and through his eyes I see the injustice of the world . . . and know that I can only rely on God’s justice.
In Molly, 10, I have found my creativity. She sees something in nothing and she inspires me to create beautiful things.
In Stephen, 8, I have found the value of stillness amidst the chaos. He has taught me the gentle rhythm of the day.
In Drew,7, I have found my sense of humor. He is funny and he brings out my silliness.
In Gracie, 5, I have found my assertiveness. She has taught me to not let anything hinder me from pursueing what is important.
In Noah, 4, I have found the importance of a hug. When nothing else makes it better, a hug does the trick every time.
In Logan, 21 months, I have found my sense of wonder. All the world is new and EXCITING.
Now I know that when the world challenges me that my time spent nurturing my home, my family is wasted . . . I know differently. It is there and with them that God is revealing ME.
Immersed in the Mystery,
