Last week, I spent almost two hours in a text conversation with a friend about the GOP War on Women. The next morning, I put together a message to send to another friend who asked for information and clarity. This past weekend was full of telling and hearing the stories of women.
And just like that, I knew.
Everything I care about centers on this idea of being a women
and what that means
and what I want it to mean.
My roles fall into the traditional ideas of womanhood.
It’s not the big things that rattle me. It’s the little things; not even the cumulation of those things. One little thing can just set my teeth on edge.
This morning? My scanner has decided not to work. It’s telling me that another device is using it. What?! There is no other device! And this doesn’t even matter. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t. Even. Matter.
It just bugs me that my flow has been interrupted. I like posting my doodles each day, each morning. But will the world come to an end if I don’t? No. Is the world greatly improved if I do? Not really.
Ok, so now you are seeing the pithy, stomp-my-feet-like-a-three-year-old side of me.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Reminding myself to breather and focus on what is important.
Today is important. The time spent today is important.
I am spending today with my husband! (and my daughter who is going to join us at IKEA in Charlotte) We are going to relax and talk and dream and then tonight … Oh tonight … So looking forward to this!
Right now, the biggest challenge to my practice of Examen is finding a quiet place and hoping for no interruptions. The house is small, there are people everywhere, even a closed door will be violated by a knock.
Last night, I had to ask Chris to leave me be for a few minutes before bedtime. I didn’t tell him why …. I probably should have because after just five minutes, even he knocked. When I emerged a few short minutes after that, he was standing, waiting at the door.
So much for feeling like I am alone, in the presence of God. Instead, I feel like there are people, things, responsibilities waiting for me. The dryer beeps and I am reminded that I should take the laundry out, which takes my mind past the freezer and wondering what I should set out for dinner tomorrow, which then reminds me of several errands that await me … and so on and so on.
I crave silence and solitude and rarely am I able to indulge. My resentment toward interruptions can be very strong. Just one of the topics of conversations between God and me. No matter, I cannot use any of this as an excuse … any longer. Somehow, I hope to find silence and solitude in the midst of the managed chaos I call home.
I am painfully aware of how unaware I live my life sometimes, maybe most times. Probably we are all rushing from here to there, from this to that and aren’t noticing the people around us. People who are also oblivious to their surroundings. Sometimes, no matter my firm conviction to pay attention, to make a difference, to slow down, I close my eyes at night knowing it was just another day of shuffling through the day, eyes focused on me.
I have few moments captured by film or video of the births of my children. I was afraid that if I felt I could rely on an external still of the moment, I wouldn’t engage heart, soul and mind in creating my own freeze frame. It perplexes me to see parents lugging photo and video equipment through Disney World, trying to eternally capture each moment instead of engaging and making the moments captive within themselves. Admittedly, I tend to swing the other way to create balance and I probably don’t have enough pictures of the times of our lives. Gently reminding myself to stay in the middle.
Today, I would like to bring attention to a group that I think makes us stop in the busy tracks of our lives and pay attention, to question, to wonder. Whether we have ever been involved in one of their missions or just observed vicariously online, we each have the opportunity to interrupt the rut of life … for ourselves, for others.
I am just so struck with how simple yet strong a statement was made in forcing others to recognize their fellow humans. Each frozen person looked like one element of a incredible piece of art.
Very powerful.
Many thanks and positive thoughts to Patti. She made me aware of the newest mission. I used to read her blog faithfully but somewhere along the way, it had slipped from my sight. It’s good to reconnect and now, thanks to GoogleReader, I will be able to keep up with her inspiring LIFE insight.
