Ten minutes, just ten minutes, right. It is 10:05 now and I will type until 10:15. It has been a weird, out of sorts day. I am tired of weird, out-of-sorts days. I am tired of being snippy. I am tired of being judgemental. I am tired of being discontent. I am tired of being gray. I am tired of riding an emotional roller coaster and dragging my family along. Have I written that already? It sounds familiar. I am tired of being tired. I don’t want to use this webjournal to whine but that seems to be all I do lately. Oh, nothing specific really but just not good, positive, grace-filled thoughts. I wrote a mini biography ealier today. This is what I wrote:
What do I say? Who am I? If only I could figure that out. Forty years old and still waiting to grow up. A husband and nine children who sweep me up in their lives. I think I left mine somewhere on the river bank. Bits of it float back to me . . . a poem, a bit of music, dancing, drawing. I am trying to grab these and put the puzzle together. I am searching for the answers. Sound vague? It is I guess. As I Christian, I am supposed to be more confident in my answers, but I am not. That is just where I am on this last day of 2004
I was writing that because I spent all afternoon checking out another blog site. I have it in my head that I would like to have a blog that will categorize my posts. I don’t know why. It is not like I have written so many posts here that need to be categorized. I was trying out Type Pad. There were some interesting features. I like the categories. I like the Type Lists. I like the spell check. But, I don’t think it was as easy as here at Bravejournal. I don’t think the templates at Type Pad have much personality. I am sure I could learn to add pizzazz but I just don’t have the time. There is still a lot that I want to learn how to do here . . . add images and pictures. I don’t know how to do that yet. I would like to make it all a little more like me . . . very eclectic and personal. Anyway, I haven’t accomplished a lot today. I thought that I would. It
seems that I did a lot of tearing down today. Moving stuff from room to room which left my room in a mess, my office in a mess. Tearing down of people and relationships . . . well, maybe not tearing down but pointing out what I thought should be obvious. Ugh. I am not liking what I am saying today. I wonder if I will come to a point some day of deleting this and the past few posts. Or will I leave it all here to show how imperfect that I am. How I struggle with so many things. How I am in such great need of God’s grace. I don’t know.
Immersed in the Mystery,
