Feelin’ Groovy

Do you ever get a song stuck in your head and it’s a song you haven’t even heard recently or even in the last year or so?

I sat down to write a bit in my journal and then decided instead to throw some thoughts out here on my blog and all I can hear in my head (because I always have music playing in my head) is this line from “59th Street Bridge Song” by Simon and Garfunkel . . .

Slow down, you move too fast

You’ve got to make the morning last!

At first, I was relating the message of this song to a bit of anxiety I am feeling as we are transitioning into a different routine around here. I want the move to be done now! I don’t want to deal with the glitches and wrinkles in the plan, don’t want to have to figure out the needed tweaks; I just want us to be through the hard part and flowing with the rhythms of the day.

I was just telling myself to slow down, be patient with myself and others, acknowledge the progress we are making when this song just popped up in my mind. That’s when I decided to sit down and write down my frustrations, work through my fidgeting.

Then it hit me …

The song says, “Slow down, you move to fast” … yeah, I got that. I understand my tendency to push us forward at a break neck speed, not allowing any adjustment time. But then it says, “You’ve got to make the morning last.”

Yes.

That is the crux of the changes happening around here. We are waking up at 7:00 and taking a couple of hours to give ourselves time to really wake up, connect with the Spirit of God and with the creative spirit He has given us. Quick and easy breakfasts are waiting on the island. They can each help themselves, set their dishes in the sink and take the time to make the morning last.

I am giving them spiritual and creative resources, ideas and prompts to use if they like. I put verses for meditation, hang up art pictures, interesting bits of news, easy science experiments or challenges on the fridge. They are free to have their devotions, draw, paint, read … just a gentle morning.

There’s more to our new rhythms of the day and I will take time to write about those later.

Now, I just want to go dig out my Simon and Garfunkel cd and spend some time Feelin’ Groovy!

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Immersed in the Mystery,
Cynthia

Related Tags: Feelin’ Groovy, Routines, Rhythms of the day

Ten Minutes

Whatever happened to ten minutes a day? Awhile back, I said that I was going to commit to at least writing ten minutes a day here. So much for committment. I wonder if I should even call it a commitment when I didn’t follow through. It was just a passing thought, I guess.

Much of my life seems to be like that . . . passing thoughts. Does anyone remember watching a game show, I think it might have been Name that Tune, that the people were in a tube and money was swirling around them and they had to grab as much money as they could. That is what my life feels like at times. Wonderful thoughts and ideas swirl around me and I try to grab as much as I can. Just like money, the thoughts are here today and gone tomorrow.

I would like for there to be some everlasting change in my life, internally and externally. I am learning that I am imcapable of changing anything. I cannot change anything. It is all a work of the Lord. I seem to understand that about certain parts of my life . . . about more “spiritual things”. However, I don’t seem to embrace that idea when it comes to more “practical things” like food, schedule, chores, etc. I look to my willpower, my determination to change things in my life and in my strength, I am staying on that same loop, around and around. (reminds me of a funny story about going down to Athens, GA with a friend . . . well, actually, we were trying to get to Social Circle, GA . . . but we got on this Highway that loops around Athens. I thought we were never going to figure out how to get off that loop . . . we just kept going round and round.)

So, here I am in my life . . . losing and regaining weight, tweaking the schedule for the umpteenth time, searching for a better chore system . . . and I am wondering, “this is the VICTORIOUS life?” I hope it doesn’t sound like I am in despair. I am not. I am just trying to figure this all out.

Well, it’s been twelve minutes but I did have to stop twice . .. once to tie shoes and once to answer a question . . . Until tomorrow

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Immersed in the Mystery,

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Sunday thoughts

On a scale of one to ten, today was a seven. That is so much better than it has been. I have been operating in the three – four range lately. It was still difficult but there were bright spots and I am feeling encouraged.

Katie and I went to church. Katie drove. She is getting more confident and I am feeling more relaxed with her driving. I predict in just a matter of weeks, she will have her license. I really didn’t feel a whole lot like dancing and leading praise and worship with flags and dance today. At times like this, I just have to be obedient. I know that God inhabits the praises of His peolple and if I could just find the strength to enter His gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise, He would show himself mighty. True to His word, His healing balm began to flow over my painful soul.

Just before service started a lady from church stopped me to ask how I am doing. I hardly know her . . . really only know her name. She knows about Daddy’s death though because it was printed in the bulletin back when it happened. I quickly spilled all of my struggles out ot her. I haven’t really told anyone about how I have been feeling . . . not just the sadness, that is to be expected . . . but the resentment and the anger. She assured me that this is all the grieving process. I asked her to pray specifically for Chris. I know this is difficult for him. I know that he loves me and he is probably full of bewildernment at my behavior toward. I am just as confused though. I don’t understand why I feel so much angst toward him. Ah, but today has been better.

I didn’t pay close attention during the sermon. Mostly, I just did some free writing, trying to get my emotions down on the paper, trying to make sense of it all. During ministry time after the sermon, I just sat on the pew. I felt rather numb. Not in a bad way, but I just sat and observed what was going on around me. One of the youth leaders came and asked me if I was ok . . . and I just tried to smile and I nodded yes. She then said, “I miss my joyful Cyndi.” ::::sigh:::: on the one hand, I am glad that I exude joy to people, I am glad I am such an encouragement to them . . . but on the other hand, I want the freedom to have down days, to feel less than joyous on occasion, to have a mood. But I know she was trying to help and I love her for it.

Katie, Amber and I went to the movies after church. We went to see Neverland. It was such a great movie. I was totally drawn in from the beginning. First, Peter Pan has to be my favorite children’s book and my most treasured memory of reading aloud to my children is while reading that book. This has been about 4 1/2 years ago. I was on the last chapter of the book. Peter Pan has come back to get Wendy and she is an adult now. She tells him that she can’t go with him, that she is ever too old. My oldest was about 16 at the time and I realized how quickly they had all grown up. I began to cry. I could hardly read the sentences. I was sitting on the floor, trying to read, holding Logan (who was about 9 months old) in my lap and Amber (who was about 16) got up and came and sat behind me and held me from behind. I sat there, with my oldest holding me as I held my youngest and just cried and cried. So, yes, Peter Pan is my favorite.

In this movie, Peter is so literal and pragmatic. The cruelties of life have almost stolen his childhood belief, dreams and imaginations. Oh, I can relate. Here I am now, at 40 years old, and I lament the loss of my childhood, how early it was taken from me. I am trying to get it back now. Retrieve the wonder of the world, the newness of it all, the beauty in the small things. On that level, the movie pierced my heart and inspired me to breath deeply of the life I have been given. Yes. I must.

Tomorrow is my new day . . . a new list will be made . . . new pursuits, new goals, new year. I am looking forward to it all. 2004 was the year of transition. Just like transition during the labor to birth a child, it was a most difficult year. But now is the time, the time to push. It will be hard work but it will be fruitful work and in the end, a dream will be birthed. I will look deep into the eyes of my passion and fall in love. I will hold that dream and know that I will do anything to protect it, I will die, I will fight, I will live . . . just to hold onto that dream. I will not let anyone take it from me . .. it is my dream.

Ten minutes has come and gone many times. I plan to make it an early evening so that I might awaken in the morning and greet the new day, the new week, the new year.

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Immersed in the Mystery,

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Tweaking the Schedule

I have changed our daily routine around. I finally realized the importance of tuning into the natural rhythms of our family and shaping our day around that, instead of trying to force us into a schedule based on an arbitrary idea of what we should be doing.

I was spending a lot of time each evening just trying to get the children to settle down to sleep. We have spent all these years having a certain bedtime for different age groups . . . those under 8 went to bed at 8, from 8 – 12 there was a 9:00 bedtime and 13 and older set their own bedtime as long as they were quiet. It just didn’t seem to fit our family dynamics anymore. I was trying to get these kids in bed early and to what purpose? I certainly have no energy to do things in the evening. I am much more of a morning person.

Then I was having to wake them up early in the mornings just so we could accomplish daily things. They weren’t doing well with that and it really cut into MY most productive time.

So, we are now all going to bed at about 10:00 – 10:30. I get up at 5:30 and have several hours to devote to prayer, Bible study, writing, etc Their day begins at 8:30. Most of them sleep until 8:30. If they wake before time for the day to get started, they are all old enough now to get up and occupy themselves quietly while I finish up my work. The morning time has been designated as my work time and I am not to be interrupted. It works well now that the children are older.

One small glitch is that the five-year-old wakes up ready to eat. I think I am going to make some breakfast cookies so that he can just help himself to a healthy snack and glass of milk to hold him until breakfast is ready.

This has changed so much in our house. We are all accomplishing much more. We are enjoying each other more. We have more time together in the evenings to read and play games. Just a little change with results.

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Immersed in the Mystery,

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