A Life Profound

Happy Feet 2 Reminds Me of My Mission

Cynthia — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 12:53:00 +0000

One week from now I will be up this early preparing for my first day on the campus of Converse College. For the most part, I am fending off the doubts and anxiety. Mostly, I am excited to be immersing myself in the two topics that I love … art and women’s interest. There have been moments this week of comparing myself to other artists and feeling as if my work is still immature. I explore and paint from the depth of my heart yet there is still something lacking. Those moments have been accompanied by the fear of being inadequate. I share a trait with one of my children. I want to know how to swim before I take the swimming lessons. It is difficult for me to remember that I am there to learn the things that I don’t already know. That is what this process is all about.

I have been working through some thoughts about my writing and trying to narrow my focus for this blog. I am probably breaking a cardinal rule for not writing blog posts about blogging right now and another for having written this much and not yet referencing the post title. Just like the movie, there’s multiple threads here with one underlying message.

Discontent with how I am engaging with my message is stirring up again. I am asking myself the questions about who I am writing to and what I want to say, The answers have been a bit convoluted. I will say that I write to leave a legacy for my children, a record of who I was and the things beyond them that were important in my life. I will say that I am writing to the woman like me who is trying to figure out midlife and approaching menopause and the feeling that someone else has inhabited her body. I will say that I am writing to the mother who is unschooling her children, feeding her family on a budget, keeping harmony in the home while trying her best not to lose the her sense of being in the chaos. I will say that I am writing to the spiritual seeker; the one whose questions have led to more questions and beyond. But am I? It’s felt a bit trivial lately. But in saying that am I devaluing the chit chat that makes the path to the heart-revealing conversations.

I’ve contemplated what to do and whether or not I have the drive, time and energy to continue writing and to develop my initial vision for my online presence. I changed my One Voice Is facebook page from a community to a personal blog and had also contemplated removing the blog description on the sidebar that talks about OUR voice or even my voice. I really felt like this blog would just become more of a personal journal.

Then two things happened.

First I began reading Gender Knot: Unraveling the Patriarchal Legacy
for a class I am taking at the Unitarian Universalist fellowship we are attending.
The book is revealing the roots of a patriarchal system that is greater than the individual injustices that we try each day to overthrow, to overcome. It challenges one to look beyond just breaking through gender inequality and seeing the very system that allows gender inequality to exist. Here’s a quote that I believe illustrates quite rightly the theme of the book:

“It is easier to allow women to assimilate into patriarchal society than to question society itself. It is easier to allow a few women to occupy positions of authority and dominance than to question whether social life should be organized around principles of hierarchy, control and dominance at all, to allow a few women to reach the heights of corporate hierarchy rather than question whether people’s needs should depend on an economic system based on dominance, control and competition. To allow a few women to practice law than to question adversarial conflict as a model for resolving disputes and achieving justice. It has even been easier to admit women to military combat roles than to question the acceptability of warfare and its attendant images of patriarchal masculine power and heroism as instruments of national policy. And it has even been easier to elevate and applaud a few women than to confront the cultural misogyny that is never far off, waiting in the wings and available for anyone who wants to use it to bring women down and put them in their place.”

Even if a tree is cut down, roots have a way of sprouting and growing again. Is it possibly to resist this system? What is the point? The author, Allan G. Johnson, points out repeatedly that the system is there; we have to acknowledge that. We may not be able to change that but we can change how we participate in the system. Maybe one day that will bring about the complete uprooting of the patriarchal systems worldwide.

But I am just one person, with one voice. One very busy and distracted person. What difference could I make within a centuries old system? Many days, I want to just delete my entire online presence and just go back to being a stay at home mom, maybe dabbling a bit in paint when I can. I’m tired already and my real challenges haven’t even begun.

Then I went to see Happy Feet 2 and
I was reminded of my mission. I’ve been chastised by some for not seeing the great message of Tree of Life and by others for seeing so much in the original Happy Feet. What can I say? Maybe it’s the cute penguins or the music or maybe it’s the way that George Miller tells a multi-layered storyMalick.

What did Happy Feet 2 remind me of?

That we are not so distant from each other.

I sit under the same moon as you do
I rise in the morning to the same sun.
I wish upon the same stars.

Wishes for a good life for my children, for a purpose in my own, for a place where my voice is heard and understood.

That we are connected and interdependent not only to each other as humans but to all of nature.

Somehow I believe that my choices affect you, wherever you are, on some cosmic level. My one action today reaps rewards or consequences in future time and space. When I honor your value, I honor my own just as when I honor my own, I honor yours.

That each one is needed in the whole, each one can make a difference, no matter how big or how small.

This is the most important reminder because the belief that every voice matters is why I am here. It is why I am attempting to create a safe haven not only for my voice but for your voice to be heard. It is why I in exactly one week, I will be leaving for my first classes in art and English composition. I want to write not only about injustice but about what fosters injustice. I want to paint the freedom, wisdom and power I am encountering on this journey. There are songs to be sung, poems to be read, rhythms to beat, dances to dance.

The voice is here. It is my one voice. It is your one voice. It is our ONE voice echoing to the stars and back.

Let’s do this, shall we?

Friend Makin’ Monday

Cynthia — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 13:33:00 +0000

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section here at: www.alltheweigh.com so we can all see your FMM questions and answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has to opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

FMM: Short Answers

Mac or PC? PC

Do you paint your own nails? No. My nails have always been paper thin and split and tear. No amount of anything changes that. So no polish or anything … unless you count the paint that covers my fingers when I am actually painting. then, yes, I do. LOL!

Beach or mountains? Mountains!

What’s the title of the book you’re currently reading? Sense of an Ending by Julian Barnes for 37 Days Bookclub and Frankenstein: Prodigal Son by Dean Koontz.

Do you dance? Yes, not formally at all. Just love moving my body.

CNN or Fox News? Anything but Fox! CNN and MSNBC. Rachel Maddow is my favorite. Then of course, America’s most trusted newsman … Jon Stewart.

Do you ride a bicycle? Interesting question. I am contemplating taking up bike riding. so maybe?

Do you get a yearly flu shot? Absolutely not.

Best movie you’ve seen in 2012? That’s a tough call not because I saw so many great ones but because so many weren’t that great. Or maybe, I just didn’t watch them. There’s still a lot on my list to watch but I would have to say that 50/50 with Joseph Gordon Levitt has to be one of the best of 2012.

Do you prefer to workout at home or at the gym? Neither. Maybe outside? I love to hoop and walk and hike. All outside activities.

Last airport you were in? Flew from Denver, CO to Greenville, SC and that was at least ten years ago.

Married or single? Married … twenty-six years now.

iPhone or Android? Neither. Blackberry

Do you prefer to be in pictures or taking pictures? Didn’t I answer this one already? I prefer taking pictures.

Favorite brand of sneakers? No particular brand. Whatever fits best. New Balance tends to be what I purchase most often.

Do you like snow? Absolutely not.

Do you have/want to have kids? Do I have kids?!?! You betcha! Nine children … most of whom are not children any longer. Oldest is 27 and youngest is 12.

Summer or Winter? Neither … Autumn!!

Do you know how to swim? No.

Do you prefer to shop in store or online? Both!

If you participate, leave me a comment to let me know!

It’s Going to Be the Best

Cynthia — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 12:07:00 +0000

Have I mentioned that I’m going to college? A time or two, maybe?

My first semester starts two weeks from tomorrow. I’ve gulped my way through the syllabus for my 3-D Design class. But the real anxiety kicked in yesterday when my books arrived, including the math text for the lowest level math I could possibly take. The one that assumes three semesters of high school algebra. I had that … over THIRTY YEARS AGO!

This is the point where I feel like running, screaming, into the woods.

It reminds me of the feeling I had when I went into labor with each of my children. When the first contractions would start, it all became real. This was happening. No turning back. I would have to go through hours of labor, transition and birth. Then the real work would begin.

This time I could turn back. I could go running, screaming, into the woods. I could choose to not take this challenge. This challenge that I chose in the first place.

I could.
But I won’t.

This degree means that much to me.

I want to prove to myself that I can do this. Everyone else seems to be so sure of me. While internally, I am struggling with my confidence, I am drawing strength from the belief others have.

I want to say to others who start late in the game that this is still possible. Though I am certain of my degree path, just like most college students, I am not sure what I will do with this degree once I attain it. For now, it is enough to be learning new things, exercising my mind and stretching myself beyond what I think is possible.

I want my children to see me chasing my own dreams and committing to the work it will take. I want to be an example to them of working hard to accomplish the things beyond what I even knew I could do..There is probably a series of posts I could write about the juxtaposition of unschooling my children while pursuing a college education for myself.

No amount of math anxiety is going to keep me from doing this.

I have a new thought process in which I am trying to live present.

What if I expect the best from any situation?

What if I expect the best from myself? from my teachers? from my family?

What if I expect the best from this math class? from my 3-D design class? from the entire college experience and my achievements there?

It’s going to be fine.
More than fine.
It’s going to be the best.

A Year of Answers

Cynthia — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 13:31:00 +0000

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

I’ve spent years living the questions in accordance to Raner Marie Rilke’s wise words:

have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

In the sense that I have learned to accept the mysteries of life, the unexplainable and that I have learned to follow my questions into greater and lesser understanding, I will continue to let the questions thrive.

This year is different however. This year, I sense a shift not only in my perspective but also in the energy that is flowing around me.

This is a year of answers.

After quite a few years of wandering from place to place, pitching my tent just long enough to explore and discover another path, I feel like I am settling down. I am ready to plant myself and let my roots dip deep into the ground. I am ready for that foundation.

I am sure of so many things right now. The answers are here and I am beginning to live them. I have to tell you that living the answers just may be more difficult than living the questions. It is requiring strength of mind, heart and soul. Commitment, sacrifice, order are all concepts that are coming into play now.

Honestly, these haven’t been as evident in my life for awhile. Those who only know me from a distance would not realize just how chaotic I have let my life become. I can still put in a good appearance but that foundation of order has not been there.

I have been adrift. I frequently describe myself as feeling unsettled. It has been years of wanderings.

But this year it is changing.

I have found the place where I am going to stay. It is time to build that structure and framework of order upon which my beautiful life can be built. There is no magic, no fairy godmother or house elves. I have to do the work that is required to change my life, to move my life forward, to live the answers that burning in my heart.

I am ready.

For this is a year of answers and I hope that it is the first of many such years.

A Noose around the Neck

Cynthia — Sat, 14 Jan 2012 12:56:00 +0000

It is important to know when a useful tool has become a noose around your neck.

Here’s the ugly truth.

I am a blog addict.

I love reading personal blogs, culling recipes from food blogs, adding to my reading list from book blogs, gathering ideas from art blogs. Google Reader simplified that process for me by allowing me to have it ALL in ONE place!

This is a good thing. It saves time, right? I don’t have to click through a bunch of different websites. It’s all there in one place.

It’s deceptive though. It’s a tool that allows me to believe I am not spending that much time on the internet, that I am not trying to absorb that much information … useful and useless.

No one needs to try to read as many blogs as I do. No one needs to try to keep up with that many people and what they have to say.

Let me make myself perfectly clear. Everyone of those bloggers has something to offer; their voice is needed and important. I believe that. I support that and encourage it.

But I have to know my own boundaries and know when something good and useful has turned into something that clutters my life.

In celebration of creating space for myself, I am whittling down the feeds in my Google Reader … again. I am re-implementing a rule that I’ve ignored lately. I know my tendencies. I know that I will pile more and more and more onto my plate … more than any one person can ingest, digest and enjoy. My rule has been that if I add a feed to my Google Reader, I have to take off two feeds. This makes me really consider what I want to add and what I want to keep reading. It’s time to apply that rule again.

The ultimate lesson here though is to be aware of those time-saving devices, those technological innovations, those things that are supposed to make our lives better.

Be aware

Beware

That very useful tool may become a noose around your neck.

Today I am . . .

Cynthia — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 15:29:00 +0000

still painting Fearless
and learning
to embrace
my own Wisdom

Back to Creating Space

Cynthia — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 12:11:00 +0000

The gift of the young is that they live their lives as if they are invincible, completely unaware of the pending last day of their life. Yet at the same time, they live as if each day is their last, free of the tedium responsibility of life. We as parents come along beside and try to interject the weight of becoming an adult. Hopefully, we do that well and balanced. However my focus today is not on raising children to adulthood . I want to talk about that sense of urgency to live life well, that innate ability that the young possess, that awareness that adults, if wise, will cultivate.

Evidently, I have approximately 12,933 days left to live my life. That’s 35.41 more years. I am aware of this because I stumbled across a site last week, 17000 days with a simple message:

Life is short. You’re going to die; I am, too. So let’s quit wasting time.

At first it made feel panicked. Counting down the potential days of my life is a bit stressful! (By the way, you can join me in this awareness of your impending death. How many days do you have left to live?)

But then I remembered that I know this focus already.

I am a huge fan of Patti Digh’s work. I speak of it often. Her great work began with the acute knowledge that life is brief and the end can come suddenly. Patti changed the focus of her life when her step-father died just 37 days after a cancer diagnosis. Patti was the most recent guest on How She Really Does it with Koren Motekaitis and told her story again and I learned that it was actually on day 38 that Patti woke up and asked herself what would become the guiding question of her life, “what would I be doing today if I only had 37 days to live?” It was that profound of a moment.

The question for me today is what is my profound moment? What is motivating me right now to make the choices that I am making? As much as I am doing that I know is right, I still have an overwhelming sense that I am missing some very important things. Life is short and I don’t want to waste another moment.

The urgency that I am feeling today is to order my days. I have been resisting the idea that I need a framework, a structure to my time. It is reactionary to the life I lived in response to Christian teaching. I’ve spent some time now swinging the pendulum to the other side, flinching when anything resembled the over ordered life I had. But if I have learned anything, I have learned that I want to live a balanced life. This isn’t about all or nothing and I certainly don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Back at the end of October, I started the Deep Fearless painting adventure with Connie Hozvicka. One of the first things we did was to identify our devotion. It’s a little different than calling or purpose. At least it is framed differently and it was much easier for me to hone in on a specific idea.

My devotion is Creating Space and here is the painting I created in response to my devotion:

As long as I can remember, I have loved the process of creating space for others … From Bible study groups, to homeschooling support groups, to conversations about Spirituality. The problem is that I haven’t done so well at creating space for myself and I feel that I neglected some areas of creating space for my family. That is what I am getting back to now. It’s why I am going to school and it is why I am quitting my job. I am looking for that balance of created space.

When I ask myself the question that Patti asks herself each day, “what would I be doing today if I only had 37 days to live?”, my initial answer comes from a reaction to regrets. It is overly focused on trying to correct things that I may not have done well. Patti spoke on Koren’s podcast about living those 37 days free of regret. Yes! When I come to day one of my last 37 days, I want to know that I will just continue living my life.

That begins today with imagining what that life is and creating the space to live it.

What about you? What sense of urgency are you feeling today?

Making Friends Monday (on Tuesday)

Cynthia — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 17:34:00 +0000

The really wonderful thing about participating in things like #reverb11 is meeting new bloggers. One of my new friends that I am keeping up with via my google reader is Kim at Forty is the (new) Fabulous (YEAH BABY!)

I’m a day late (but refuse to be a dollar short) to join her in Making Friends Monday but I’ve never let something like guidelines or rules stop me. I really like the questions and the opportunity to get to know other bloggers out there. Consider this your invite to join along also. If you do, please comment here and let me know. Also, take time to visit Kim and let her know Cynthia at One Voice Is sent you!

Happy Monday! It’s time for FMM. If you’ve participated before, you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add a link in the comments section here and at Kenlie’s blog, All the Weigh, so we can all see your answers. Please invite your blog readers to add their links here too so everyone has the opportunity to be seen. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Ready for this week’s topic?

1) What is one of your favorite ways to spend a Saturday?
It’s been awhile since I’ve had the freedom to spend a Saturday doing something other than working. However, in just a three more weeks, my Saturdays will be my own again. However, Saturday is not a normal weekend day for us no matter what since my husband works Saturdays. But I anticipate it being a day to catch up on a bit of work around the house and outside, as always it will include games and art with the family and I am looking forward to it being a day in preparation for a new week.

2) List your top three favorite TV shows.
I don’t watch a lot of tv. Recently, my husband and I have been catching up on past seasons of How I Met Your Mother. I have a love hate relationship with this show. I will have to say that the writing is incredible and the cast is quite talented. Our family watches Parenthood together because the Bravermans remind us of ourselves. I also really enjoy watching Project Runway with the kidlets.

3) Would you rather be in pictures or take them?
I love taking photos but don’t think I am that good at it. One of my classes for my art degree will be in photography. I am hoping to acquire a big girl camera before then and really devote some time and energy to developing a new skill.

4) Why do you blog?
My number one reason for blogging is so that my children can know me. This is my record of my thoughts and ideas and things that I care about. I am also very passionate about sharing my voice, exercising it as an example to everyone that each person has a voice that matters.

5) Share five websites that you visit regularly …
Huffington Post, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, and my Google Reader.

6) If you could have lunch with one person from your Twitter list who would it be? Connie at Dirty Footprints Studio ... after her baby is here and she settles into mommyhood. I want to hear her thoughts about transitioning into that role … just as I seem to be transitioning out of it somewhat. Well, as much as a mother every transitions out of being a mother. It just changes as they become adults.

7) List a few of your favorite snacks. Honesty, I love fruit. Especially oranges and blueberries. But if we are going to talk about indulgent snacks, I love good chocolate ice cream.

8) Do you have a pet? If so, what kind? One cat, Matilda. One dog, Dobby. One day I want to have a New Foundland named Henry.

9) Which three material possessions would you struggle to live without? Internet/computer, phone, my car for now. I’d love to live some place where I could walk everywhere.

10) What’s your favorite drink?
Water with lime. I do love a glass of wine but of late wine gives me headaches. Not worth it.

11) Do you enjoy cooking?
I do enjoy cooking when I have the time. I am looking forward to having more time to cut and chop and create meals for our family.

12) Do you have children?
Nine children – - four daughters and five sons. Two grandsons! It’s a full house plus some!

13) What are your favorite hobbies? Painting, doodling, reading, researching. Yeah, I know that last one doesn’t seem like hobby but I am a bit of an information junkie. I LOVE learning new things.

14) Would you consider yourself to be shy or outgoing?
I am an outgoing introvert. I love to chat and be with people but it takes a LOT of my energy and I may need hours or days to recover.

15) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would you change?
To know when things are my responsibility and when they aren’t. I pile a lot of blame on myself when I shouldn’t.

16) Who is your favorite actor/actress? This is so difficult. There’s no way to choose just one so I will try to limit myself to three of each … Colin Firth, Ryan Gosling, Daniel Day Lewis and Kathryn Hepburn, Cate Blanchett, Emma Stone

17) What’s the coolest thing you’ve done this week?
I changed the look of my blog.

18) Do you live near your family or far from them?
I live fairly close to all my family. My mom and brother are just about 30 minutes away. All of my children are close (for now). One brother is a couple of states away but he comes back here often. Speaking of which, I need to have breakfast with him soon!

19) List three of your talents.
I am intuitive and usually have a good sense of what is going on with people. I ask tough questions of myself and of others. I do have artistic talent also.

20) What is your greatest attribute?
I have a BROAD span of interests. I love to know about everything and want to try out so many things. Life with me is never boring!

Embody 2012

Cynthia — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 12:50:00 +0000

As I said in my previous post, just before the end of 2011, I purchased a goddess word reading from Amy Palko. I was SO ready for it to come in and give me vision for the coming year. When it did, my first reaction was, “huh?” I really felt deflated. It wasn’t me AT all.

But I know enough about myself to know that I needed to sit with it and ask what was beneath the surface. Could there be a calling to stretch myself beyond my limitations, to open myself to something to new, to embrace something that I wouldn’t normally? I sent it to someone who knows my heart and soul and asked what she thought. When we talked, she said, “As soon as I read this, I knew you were going to struggle with it. But I think you really need to be open to this.”

I am not going to share the entire reading with you but here is my goddess and here are a few thoughts from Amy.

The goddess that came forward as your guide through 2012 was… Erzulie!!

Oh what a beautiful goddess guide for the year, Cynthia! Erzulie is a Voodun goddess who is most associated with love, sensuality, wealth and luxury – yummy, hey?

Erzulie is whispering the pleasures of the flesh. She’s inviting you to reconnect with what brings you pleasure – specifically sensual pleasure …

This goddess‘ message is that a little luxury can make a big difference to the way you move through the world. Don’t underestimate the power of pleasure, and don’t dismiss inviting luxury in because you believe you don’t have the time or the money. Enjoying luxury is not selfish – it is an act of exquisite generosity!

I don’t live in a luxurious world. If anything, with raising nine children, I have constantly focused on making life functional and practical. To that end, my home is less than sterile. I have convinced myself that I didn’t have the time or the money to spare on things of beauty and comfort. That has slowly … SLOWLY … been changing. Just the crack of acceptance was there for me when this reading came in but initially, I really resisted Erzulie as my guide for 2012. I kept thinking to myself, “That’s just not my style. I am not a luxurious, sensual being.”

Then I began to ask myself, “What if it was my style? What if I am a luxurious, sensual being? How would my life be different if I lived accordingly?” I really began to push the boundaries of what that could mean for me. That is the thought that was with me when I decided to quit my job. Remember? I said that it felt extravagant, indulgent, luxurious even … to think about just school, just art, just family.

In this moment, it has come to me what the obstacle is that keeps me from thinking in luxurious terms. Who am I to think that I deserve this? Wow. No matter how much work I do toward becoming a whole and healthy person, there is still those thoughts buried deep within that need excavating.

I am reminded now of Marianne Williamson‘s GORGEOUS quote was read last night by Patti Digh at her new 37 Days site launch party:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Who am I NOT to enjoy a beautiful, luxurious and sensual life?

All of this brings me to my 2012 word. In 2010, my word was fragmented. That was a retrospective choice but one that fit. I felt like my being was in pieces. I chose Mosaic for my 2011 word as I hoped that all of those pieces would be brought together to create something beautiful. I believe that began to happen. As I faced 2012, I was slightly obsessed with the thought that this year would be about something whole. I wanted there to be nothing that was fragmented and brought back together but something that is complete and unified. Amy Palko sent a list of possible words to go along with my Erzulie guide but none seemed to really capture what I was casting into the hopes and dreams of a new year. I want to experience this year in a new way. I want to know comfort and beauty as the essential core of my life. I want to lasso all these ideas that I have about being in the world and put structure and form to them. I want to be HUGELY present in my life. I want to embody my life.

That’s it.

Embody.

It is all about giving form to something that abstract. Another word for it is incarnate — making concrete and real, representing with a bodily form. It is about physically inhabiting a spirit, an ideal, a dream. That is what I am stepping into this year. With that embodiment, comes all the sensations and experiencing life luxuriously, sensually and with great pleasure.

2012 is going to be a GREAT year, don’t you think?

Destiny is no longer calling

Cynthia — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 13:33:00 +0000

I cannot help but believe that 2012 is going to be the best year yet. It just feels different. This is more than just a new year, a chance to restart, an opportunity to set goals or make resolutions. Everything around me seems to be vibrating with energy. Destiny is no longer calling. It is here now with an open door. This is less about my striving to achieve something and more about about stepping into what is already there, then another step and another. Oh yeah, this is going to be a GREAT year.

At the beginning of December I started the #reverb11 (and its various formats) challenge, lamenting that the question of a word for 2012 came up so early again. I didn’t have my word then. It took writing my December blog posts, working extra hours during the month, and looking into the new year and all it held for me before I came up with my word. It took my making a difficult decision but one that lifted an enormous weight.

Let’s start there. I hinted at it last time I was here.

As I have written before, I start Converse College in February to pursue a degree in art and women’s studies. I will be heading back into the classroom for the first time in thirty years … while still living an unschooling life with my children and working part-time at Fiction Addiction. Actually I won’t be working at the bookstore after January 28th. During December, I came to realize that being gone as many hours as I will while attending classes and working would stretch me just too thin to be good to anyone, especially my family and myself. It was a sudden realization and an exercise in trusting my intuition. I knew in the matter of a moment that I needed to quit my job. Then confirmation after confirmation came to me. Even the financial aspect isn’t proving to be overwhelmingly challenging.

When I would contemplate and discuss being able to just go to school, I would describe it as feeling indulgent, decadent, extravagant. It just felt wrong to not struggle to make this happen, to not have to juggle that many balls. And honestly, I don’t like having to admit that I can’t do it ALL.

Then I treated myself to a 2012 goddess reading with Amy Palko and my perspective began to change.

But the clock is saying I am out of writing time this morning. You’ll just have to check back in tomorrow to read the rest of the story.

Until then, tell me? How are you feeling about 2012? What awaits you this year? What are you stepping into?