This is Who I Am


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This is not who I want to be

nor who I am becoming

This is who I am.

I am Aberash

radiating light

as a woman,a mother soul,

a creator,

I adorn, embellish,


with love

that brings

the truth of the soul


Divine Sacred

Feminine Energy

Feminine Wisdom

roots deep

into my soul

digging deeper still

revealing a woven tapestry

of you and you and you

together we are just as I am

and our arms of love

gather and extend

sway to and fro

back and forth

a constellation offering

A tree of wild and free living

 Tree of Living Wild and Free

What is this greatness

within me

the soul blood

that flows through my veins

in and out of this tiger heart

Though doubt and uncertainty visit

Those do not abide within me

Instead, it is courage

that brings me

again and again

to my life

Tiger Courage

For I am an alchemist

conjuring, creating, calling forth

from the elemental depths

the good, the peace, the love

that we are.

For I am a warrior

committed, contending, crying out

for the manifestation

of the contiguous circles

that we are.

Warrior Alchemist

My exploration is unfinished

stalled in a mist

of too much effort

and not enough rest

The pause that creates space

the stillness that allows for a breath

the slowness that draws

the heart deeper within the story

The rest has been missing

I must reclaim this rest

before taking up the story again.

Without it, I lose my way

snarled in the tangled maze

of too much effort

and not enough rest.


Walking with Michael Moore


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Happy New Year!

The first day of the new year is nearing its end and I am just now sitting down to write about it, about what lies ahead, about dreams, wishes, hopes.

Here is where there should be the list of resolutions or goals or the declaration of intent or the revealing of my guiding word for 2013 (I do have a word). Should be. I guess that is what the rules say … first post of the year should be about those things. To that I say, whatever. I’ve never been much for the rules (thus the lateness of this post. I am certainly not following the protocol for successful blogging)

Actually, I want to write about walking with Michael Moore. I stumbled across this facebook post from Michael Moore where he writes about walking just 30 minute a day and I was captivated with what he had to say about his reasoning and why to join him.

But the truth is, exercise does not work, diets do not work, feeling crummy does not work. Nothing works. My advice: Quit trying to be something you’re not, be happy with the life you’ve been given, and just go for a pleasant walk outside. With me. Wherever you are. Get off the treadmill, stop drinking diet Coke, throw out all the rules. It’s all a scam and it conspires to keep you miserable. If it says “low-fat” or “sugar-free” or “just 100 calories!” throw it out. Remember, one of the main tenets of capitalism is to have the consumer filled with fear, insecurity, envy and unhappiness so that we can spend, spend, spend our way out of it and, dammit, just feel better for a little while. But we don’t, do we? The path to happiness – and deep down, we all know this — is created by love, and being kind to oneself, sharing a sense of community with others, becoming a participant instead of a spectator, and being in motion.

And if you want, join me. But do NOT go on that walk with me if you are doing so to “get fit”, “be healthy”, or “lose weight”. You are fine just the way you are. Only walk outside with me right now because you know it might just feel good, because it’s a beautiful day, or someone is joining in with you, the fresh air is invigorating, you have to drive down to the drug store but you realize you can walk there, or simply because it’s just nice to be alive for one more day. Walk to walk and nothing else — and the other stuff will take care of itself.

So, because it is certainly nice to be alive for just one more day and despite the rain and the coming dusk, I went for a walk.

Just because.

Not a power walk to be in shape. Just a walk.

When I first started out, I thought about how I wish I had an iphone so that I could take photos of interesting things on my walk … wait, what was it that Michael Moore wrote about capitalism and envy and happiness? Do I need an iphone? In fact, do I need to take photos while on my walk? Can I just walk for thirty minutes and open my eyes and notice my world? Treasure these images in my heart?

So I walked, in the drizzling rain and I noticed . . .

  • the shiny, wet black asphalt on our road and I imagined what it would look like in the city with street lights reflecting on it.
  • the bits of gravel scattered here and there, gray and grayer pebbles creating interesting texture on the side of the road
  • the trees, oh the trees, naked and standing strong, limbs reaching to the sky, showing off the foundation of their frames.
  • fence posts and beige fields and cows looking at me with as much wonder as I looked at them
  • geese in the pond over the hill who gave me their song but not their flight
  • pools and puddles of water in the cracks of the asphalt waiting for a bit of a splash
  • the fleeing color as the darkness settled down
  • glowing windows, friendly and welcome

It felt good to walk, just walk. I realized how much I need this little bit of time, a gift to myself. No agenda, no goal of increasing or decreasing, nothing but myself and my thoughts. I could do this again and again and again. It felt peaceful and slow. Oh slowness … now that is what calls me this year.

But before this post become that post, the first day of the new year post, I am going to be done for tonight. Mostly, I just wanted share and invite you to join Michael Moore and me … we’ll be walking.

Izanami, creator goddess

mask shelf mask collage

She is  Izanami. It means “female who invites” in Japanese. In Japanese mythology she was a creator goddess, the wife of Izanagi. She died giving birth to Kagututi, the god of fire. I love the idea of creator goddess!! I am that woman, that she who invites. The invitations are for myself and for other women. When I put on my warrior mask, I am putting on the spirit of Izanami.

#adventwindows : change

It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

No, not that time. Not the time of carols and presents and wishing for snow.

That time of the anticipation of change. Changing the calendar from the old year to the new. Changing our ways. Changing direction. I like change and I like preparing for change even more. I’ve printed off Susannah Conway’s gift of Unraveling the Year Ahead, I am mulling over this two-step process for getting what I want in 2013, and I’ve got a date on the calendar to meet with my bestest sister to plan, scheme and dream together.

A HUGE change that ultimately is a small change has been calling me and inwardly there is a tug of war between an excited yes and an unprepared no. I want to know why and how and have it all figured out beforehand. Though today’s word is change, I wonder if another would have been better … accept, permit, breathe.

But it is change because I need to still hold space for this word, for this possibility, for what lies ahead.

One significant change that I am stepping into for the rest of this year and for the rest of my time with this practice of opening windows is that I am going to set aside my art journal. I will write about this but my creative energy has to be given to something else. I have six paintings to begin, to journey through and to complete in the next eighteen days. My busy life has pushed me to this place and is challenging me to see how the pursuit of my artistic self fits into the day-to-day living. This may be the question that many of us are seeking to answer.

My commitment to myself is that I will continue to fling open the windows, I will write what my heart is feeling and I will share glimpses of the paintings that are emerging each day.


#adventwindows : Invite

For years, I have been shifting, adjusting, trying to get comfortable in this different place, new space, in this other spiritual journey that I can’t seem to define.

It is most recognizable during the holiday season. It doesn’t fit in my life or I don’t fit in it but I don’t have the practice of something new. I am still discovering what will be.

Practices come and go, leaving me wanting more of something but less of what I had. It’s difficult to find something when you don’t know what you are looking for.

But magical moments happen when someone, somewhere, proves the truth that we are all connected. She flings star-dust into the sky and it leads me home.

This season of Holy Days, I am sinking deep into a ritual of wishing and hoping, of remembering and celebrating, of taking the time to call to myself. This season, I am throwing open the windows and breathing in new expectations.

adventMandy’s offering is simple yet beautifully profound. Thirty one words, accompanying quotes, opportunities to reflect, to journal, to play.  I need this pause in my day, this preparation of my heart. The someone I long to welcome needs me to do this. I need me to do this.

Today is the first day and today, appropriately, my word is INVITE. Along with acknowledging what I need and want to invite into my life, I am inviting you to join me this Advent season. This e-book is only $5. Go now, purchase it, take the few moments you need to begin. You are worth it!

For the month of December, I will be posting images from my journal as I take the time to reflect and honor what is being given to me each day, the words and lessons I am learning, the reminders for coming days.

Today, December 1, 2012, Invite:




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